A Holiday Buyer’s Guide To Ball Draining Glory

Donkey: Like a creepy uncle with a mustache and a seemingly infinite supply of stained jogging pants, the holiday season is once again waiting just around the corner, ready to pounce on the innocent and unsuspecting.

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Best Of The Best

Donkey: So here we are, finding ourselves once again treading into familiar territory by wrapping ourselves in the warm, ass-kicking comfort blanket of an 80’s martial arts extravaganza. And we’re not dicking around either; we’ve set our sights on the film that quite literally promises to be the best goddamn movie in existence. Not only the best, but the Best Of The Best, such as it were.

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Welcome To Our Nightmare

For the last two years, three brave men have walked the thin line between life and death, sanity and insanity, Black Cherry French Vanilla Pepsi Jazz and Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper.  They have soared with the angels, and huddled below the earth with demons.  They have fought alongside giant robots with hydraulic fists, and driven go-karts in an attempt to learn the ins and outs of back alley illegal street racing.  They have done what you could not, what you would not, do.  They are on a mission, one that will push them to the very limits of their physical, intellectual and emotional endurance.

They watch shitty movies, and now, for the first time, their stories will be recounted here.

Prepare yourself diligently for what is to come, and beware, for here be dragons.